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xxevenXbirdsXhaveXtoXlearnxx
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Name: michelle
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Katy
Birthday: 11/11/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: im a writer, a dreamer, a wisher, a thinker. a hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer. a pretender, an actress, a woman. i have hopes and dreams and goals. i have fears and scars. ive had broken hearts and ive been in love. i am in love. im a hypocrite and and a teacher. im a skeptic yet i beilieve everything. i am everything and i am nothing.
Expertise: im good at being lost, and being wrong. my intrests exceed my expertise greatly.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  pouf mistress
MSN: marie_1_2_3_@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  hypercookie8585
Member Since:
6/7/2005
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Waiting For A Reply
i thought...
god i thought it was over
thought we were through.
i thought i was better,
thought we'd never been true.
but you never let go of me
and i never forgot you.
the love that we lost
had just grown anew.
give me a signal;
breathe me a sign.
do you still love me
or is this fantasy mine? | | | |
| these are random, some angsty, some not so angsty, poems from all of my life. the first one was the very first poem i'd ever posted or let anyone else read... i apologize if its a bit rough.
*::catatonic::*
She stares ahead,
Not blinking, not seeing.
Living inside her own head,
They wonder what she's thinking.
At nights she lies atop her bed,
Just staring at the ceiling.
Wont sleep, wont eat.
She walks as though shes filled with lead.
She'll die here, they know, alone and crying.
She'll die here? Already she's dead...
*::lies kill::*
close your eyes;
listen to the dark...
can you hear the lies?
have they made they're mark?
would you come with me?
to leave this place.
scars run deep... you'll never see...
so many secrets hidden under lace.
why is it that words i cannot say?
im so afraid to scare you away.
the lies have made their mark.
they'll never be forgotten and lost to dark.
close your eyes,
listen to the dark...
can you hear the lies?
have they made their mark?
*::place for my soul::*
empty,
for lack of a better term.
silent,
not for lack of words.
Watching the artist as he creates,
Wishing she had the voice to say
say anything,
don't let silence hang.
be anywhere,
anywhere but here.
Watching her breathe and time stands still,
Wishing he had the courage to say
say anything,
to walk up and say hello.
be anywhere,
anywhere with her.
*::the new kid::*
Walking down a hallway,
quietly aware.
Eyes averting contact,
hiding from their stares.
this is what its like to be the new kid,
the blue kid,
the carfully hiding from you kid.
Sitting alone at lunch,
reality not there.
Wishing someone would speak,
wishing they would care.
this is what it's like to be alone, kid.
no one's home, kid.
the crown is made of stone, kid.
She passes you a note.
"meet me after class"
Watch her as she walks away,
you treated her like trash.
this is what its like to be loved, kid.
give her a hug, kid.
grow up and be a man, kid.
*::not my fault::*
Breeze blows calmly,
Supressing the silent storm.
Rage boils hot...
Hot rivers on her face.
This fault of hers she cant control.
This fault of hers...
who is to blame?
She screams though no one hears the pain.
No one on which to place the blame.
Its not her fault.
For once there's nothing that she's done.
But theres no one there to understand.
No one there to take the blame.
*::hate::*
Cry a river.
Break down a wall.
Tear the photos,
Burn them all.
Say you hate her.
She's a bitch.
But you wont blame her,
How'd you miss?
*::insomniac::*
i dont sleep Anymore.
not like You do.
i lie awake and stare,
stare at the Demons passing by.
they will not leave me...
...Alone.
i lie in the Dark,
trembling and afraid.
i wait for the sun to rise,
for Dawn to rescue me from these nightmares.
these Dark thoughts
and Morbid attacks...
attacks on my Sanity,
my Reality.
i cant sleep Anymore.
i'm Afraid to.
*::by the light of the computor screen::*
click click click
the glare of the screen is all to light
the darkness of this empty room.
my poetry sucks and so do i.
i have to be up in 5 hours...
my cat is outside wandering and there is
no point to any of this.
click click click says the keyboard as i pour
these random, meaningless words out onto a
machine... as if there is any importance...
i almost saw him today... the one that makes
me vulnerable... no not my crush... he never
meant to hurt me... no no.. my ex...
the only one i've LET hurt me in 4 years and
the only one who hurt me since.
click click click... for some reason a source
of comfort... so i'm stupid... right now it
doesnt matter. right now nothing matters...
*::untitled for lack of imagination::*
stare into my eyes.
you're wondering what i'm thinking.
how stupid you must think i am,
to let you see through me.
you think you know me,
you think my guard is down
and that you understand me.
you'll never see me...
you never have.
you dont even know what it is you dont see.
pathetic isnt it? that you dont even know.
pathetic how you'll never read this,
you dont even know i write much less my name.
*::regret::*
Tomorrow it'll be over.
By morning she'll be dead.
At dawn she will be colder,
The bullet in her head.
And all the town will whisper,
All her friends will cry.
She didn't think they'd miss her,
They didn't think she'd die.
If only he'd have told her,
He might have saved her life.
If only she had asked him,
If she had looked into his eyes.
*::the end::*
breath in, breath out.
breath in, breath out.
repeat this step eleven times,
one last breath then hold on tight,
this is gonna be a wild ride.
the music's fading,
can't feel your legs.
the color's changing, turning red.
the red takes over, it's all you see.
can't turn back now,
no more misery.
the floor, it jumps,
its rising to meet you.
pain laces your body as the ground greets you.
sirens screaming, you're moving fast.
but it's too late now,
breath in,
breath out.
this is gonna be your last.
*::my demons::*
In the silence they rule.
Over them I've no control.
Screaming...
Pulling at my hair.
I wish they'd all just go.
Losing my temper.
Jumping off a ledge.
Smashing what I have.
Taking out my rage on them.
Why cant they leave me alone?
*::i love who::*
from my heart down to my soul
i love
falling and crawling and lost
and alone
i love i love i truly do.
i love i love...
who?
you who's words are meant to cut?
or you who's love is suffocating?
you who's forbidden kisses sting my heart?
or you who is forbidden?
from my heart down to my soul
i dont have enough love to get.
you all think youre the only ones.
does that make me a cheater?
is it wrong to be confused?
i move so fast
im racey
i love so strong
at first
i try to be faithful
for awhile
i give my whole heart
to everyone
i get tired and i get weak
i fall down and i cant speak
i hang up the phone and turn out the light
i let go and end this fight.
*::epiphany::*
The paper fills with words devoid of meaning.
I begin someones story,
I wash it away.
How would it be, I wonder,
To be a poetic subject?
Your tale so tragic,
So sad.
In utter lonliness you wait to be created.
To be heard.
Your story begins to pour itself from the writers pen.
At last.
Relief from horror.
Freedom from lonliness.
Inscribed in the paper you are finally known.
Or perhaps you are uplifting,
A poem meant to bring joy.
You grow restless with anticipation,
Just to make someone smile.
And yet time after time,
As writers often do,
Your words,
Your very essence,
Erased.
Alas, sentenced back into waiting.
Waiting to enter the mind of another writer,
One who will not deny you.
To set you free,
To let you fly.
How dare we?
How can we repress ideas not our own?
As writers, we're merely tools.
Tools to ideas,
Not strong enough to present themselves.
Tools to people,
People we claim as figments of our imagination.
Tools to emotions,
Buried deep inside our minds.
The ideas,
They bounce from mind to mind,
Untill one accepts their position.
The people,
They travel from writer to writer,
Untill one sets them free.
But the emotions,
They stay with you.
They tell you which ideas,
Which people,
To accept,
To set free.
Your emotions drive you.
They run your life.
They are what makes you a writer.
It is your emotions that draw the line,
The fine line between you and everybody else.
They make you the face in the crowd that we all are.
I am a face in the crowd.
You are too.
But our emotions...
Our emotions that choose what we write,
What we say,
Its our emotions that give us different faces.
Perhaps.
Perhaps we are poetic subjsects,
Perhaps our stories,
Our souls,
Are searching for a writer.
Perhaps the things we think become poetic ideas,
Without us realizing we thought them.
Perhaps life is a poem,
Our story being written by our choices.
Life,
Like a poem,
Is so uncertain.
There are no rules.
You choose carefully,
All you do and all you say.
The people,
The ideas,
You choose what and who to accept,
You choose what and who to refuse.
Sometimes you choose badly.
A wrong choice can ruin a life,
Just as a wrong word can ruin a poem.
No matter how hard you try to erase,
Your words on the paper,
Your choices in the past,
A subtle trace lingers.
A constant reminder of what you'll never know you destroyed.
What might have been.
The future,
Its so unknown.
We're so unsure.
Again like a poem,
We won't know the ending untill we get there.
Perhaps this is why we cant know,
Why fortune tellers cant tell,
Why seers cant see.
We cant know untill its written.
Perhaps we are all writers.
We write our life.
We write our end.
We set ourselves free.
*::morning::*
(Soar)
Turn your back and close your eyes.
(Let go)
Leave your tears, your scars behind.
(Forget)
A single heartache never heals.
(Pretend)
Wake up each day, this life is real.
*::the next step::*
once apon a time life was good.
once apon time we were innocent.
the future in our hands,
but we lost it all.
stupid choices, big mistakes,
hard lessons not quite learned.
tempting death, dancing with fate,
how stupid can we be?
there's still a chance to live right.
it's not yet too late
we've still got time before
the fork in the road which reads the final choice of youth.
once apon a time we could fly so free,
now we're sinking with the next decision
we can never go back,
but where will we go?
*::where the sidewalk ends::*
where the side walk ends
there is a mark
out past the sun
before the stars
where the side walk ends
there is a house
on a lonesome street
beyond the cloud
where the side walk ends
there is a room
down a hallway
behind the moon
where the sidewalk ends
thats where i am
out in the dark
where the side walk ends
*::life as a house::*
I'll speak,
if you're patient enough to listen.
I have seen so much,
watched you and others grow.
I was there the night he died,
I heard every time she cried.
I remember your silly party hats,
and your blanky.
Your cat,
your fish...
the fish your cat ate when you were nine.
I could hide you when Mommy hit you,
and I expressed the way you thought.
Your artistic vision,
your hopes and dreams,
you put all of that into me.
When the sky fell down I covered your head.
When the wind blew fierce I kept you warm.
I kept you dry when angels cried
and I held you even when you lied.
I saw you lose your innocence.
I heard you cry to have it back.
I was watching you lose yourself.
I was there the night you found it.
When you were five I caught the cup,
the cup you dropped in me.
When you were fifteen I caught you,
you who were too drunk to stand.
I held you the day he left,
and I'll let go when you're ready to follow.
I've seen you laugh and I've seen you cry.
You have no secrets from me.
I am a house.
I've stood strong for you
and watched you grow.
There are no issues between us.
I have been filled with joy and tears.
I have shared your memories.
And when you leave I will remain
and raise somebody else.
I'll hold new fears and dreams,
and shelter from new dangers.
But I will always hold your story here.
Your memory lives forever in me.
Your secrets will never be told.
I am a house.
I'll speak,
If you're patient enough to listen.
*::savior::*
The moon watches silently,
Forseeing his every move.
He steps up unnoticed,
Drops the bomb and runs.
Fearlessly the Dead pursues.
Too late to save his own life,
But for her there still is time.
Evil flys away,
Off to slaughter more,
Blood curdling screams ringing in his ears.
Dead pursues on frantic wings.
Tick tick tick, evil will soon reign.
As he spots the girl, Evil swoops her up.
Dead now faces his hardest choice,
He could sacrifice the girl,
For one more chance at life.
A desperate dive,
A desperate cry,
A light explodes as Evil fades.
The girl is fine,
He made his choice,
And still she breaths,
Dreams safe in Daddy's arms.
*::highschool::*
Its making friends and getting lost.
Its having fun and fucking up.
Its zoning out in class and hating cops.
Its freedom getting closer every day we take.
Its choosing how we view the world,
Its discovering who we are.
Its making laws and breaking rules,
Pushing limits and balancing on a ledge.
Its learning lessons no teacher talks about.
Its learning to be happy with what we get.
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these are to a boy who is my everything. we've hurt eachother so much and everyday is a struggle, yet we havnt given up hope. where there's life, there's hope... god we need a miracle...
*::saved::*
I've been walking in the shadows,
waiting in the dark.
Waiting for somebody
to mend my broken heart.
I've been mourning in the silence,
pensive in the night.
Contemplating the only way
to end this hopeless fight.
Ready to let go of all i knew,
ready to give up.
I was about to take a deadly step,
about to make the jump.
But then you walked into my life
and everything was changed.
You tell me not to be afraid.
i'll never be the same.
Nightmares fade while your voice stays
to guide me through the darkness.
And for the first time,
i have nothing to hide,
no need to cry,
no reason to lie.
In your arms i can stay,
find comfort in your strong embrace.
To you alone can i say,
I love you.
*::happily ever after::*
once apon a lifetime gone,
there lived a little girl
her soul was torn,
her morals worn,
but she refused to die.
once apon a lifetime past,
the little girl grew weak.
she shed her tears,
she wore her fears,
wore a broken heart on her sleeve.
once apon a year gone by,
the little girl fell down.
she fell apart,
her calloused heart
was robbing her of life.
once apon a sweet november,
she came upon a boy.
his touch was gentle,
his eyes nonjudgmental,
they said that it was love.
once apon a yesterday,
she nearly lost herself.
she gave him hell,
he might as well
have given up and walked away.
but once apon a starlit night,
his kisses healed her scars.
she began to see,
began to believe,
that love didnt always hurt.
once apon a new tomorrow,
she'll love him more and more.
she loves when he holds her,
her head on his shoulder,
she prays he'll never let her go.
and once apon the years to come,
together they'll grow old.
forget and forgive,
day by day live,
happily ever after.
*::no faery tale::*
we were in love once,
you and i:
the world in our hands and stars in our eyes
you held me high and we were free
for a few blessed moments i thought you knew-
-thought you knew me...
we were young once,
you and i
the love of my life, the light in your eyes
hand in hand i begged you to dance
and for just a little while i was sure we had-
-sure we had a chance.
and we flew...
oh we flew to the moon
and we counted the stars
and with your hands on my back we went too far-
-oh you went too far
too far
past who id needed to be
i gave
up all my thoughts and my dreams
but you wouldnt let me go
we were alive once
you and i
with hope in our hearts and plans in our minds
but from time and tears i learned i'd been wrong
and now we're trying so hard just-
-just to hold on
but i cant let you go
and you cant let me leave
so will it be worth this pain
when we begin to breathe?
*::untitled for lack of strength::*
i breathe in silence
(a quiet pain)
while you fight to make me feel.
i pretend to smile
(but im drowning in your tears.)
nothing now can be alright
your sweet words are only lines
im drowning in a memory
(of what will never be)
god i miss you, miss myself
but i never can forget---
and despite the time that we'll remain
these sins we cant forgive. | | |
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these are to different people who have made an impact in my life. the first, my best friend, ali. the second, my friend stuart for his birthday. the third to my neices. the fourth to a boy i danced with at a wedding that affected me in the strangest way. the fifth is to the group of actors who helped me find who i am and the sixth is to a boy who's name i'll never know but who's voice i never can forget. the seventh is to a boy who let go of life far too soon and the eighth is to a friend a had so many years ago...
*::you were there::*
every time i cried for someone to talk to,
everytime i thought i was alone,
everytime i felt like i had no one left to live for,
You were there.
the only one to wait for me,
the only one i knew could see right through me.
the only one who ever cared.
my Best Friend,
my Hope,
my Confidant.
my Life,
my Trust,
we had so much Fun.
You were there
to make me come down off the roof,
the only one with any proof...
of Life.
you told me that i'd be okay,
made me promise not to run away,
forgave me when i did anyway,
You were there.
*::hope for a child::*
I tried to write a poem for you
but the words all come out wrong.
I tried to tell you how i feel
but i stumble and i fall.
So i hope someday you learn to dance,
that you learn not to care.
I hope you get your baggy pants
that your mom said not to wear.
I hope you conquer all your fears,
that you'll get up and sing.
I hope you aren't jaded by the years,
and all the pain that life can bring.
I hope your eyes stay just as bright,
that you never fade away.
I hope you remember a time without strife,
that you remember me this way
*::baby girls::*
baby girls,
you taught me to laugh.
baby girls,
you remind me to dance.
baby girls,
i'll read you a story,
and sing you to sleep,
life never gets boring.
baby girls,
you ask so many questions.
baby girls,
you teach so many lessons.
baby girls,
i'll teach you fly,
and together we'll soar,
out past the sky.
baby girls,
you look at life so new.
baby girls,
the world should be more like you.
baby girls,
i'll help you grow up,
and show you to live,
but you keep me young.
baby girls,
always stay.
baby girls,
never stray.
baby girls.
*::the dance::*
one song,
one nervous gesture,
no longer a stranger in his eyes,
a few slow steps, i wish it'd never end.
the room fades away and we're alone.
holding on to him,
the smell of cigarrettes and wine.
one moment,
one sweet dance,
so moved, we moved together.
the music ends, he still holds on.
the dance, so mourfully short, is over.
one boy,
one shaking girl,
i walk away, i should have asked...
i wish we'd had just one more dance.
*::cigarette::*
a prep,
a punk,
a hippie,
a fighter,
a swimmer,
a vegitarian,
a homcoming king:
seven different faces,
seven different people,
seven glowing embers in the dark,
seven of us in a cloud of smoke.
we stand alone,
we stand together.
no one can describe it,
but we all feel the same.
in a world of pain and hate and lies,
a world where we're too different for eachother,
we of such different lives stand on common ground.
we do not judge,
our labels fall away.
we are one in the same.
we are actors.
we live for these moments,
when the directors are gone
and our choices are our own.
the adrenalyn is pumping,
we know we shouldn't be here.
we're breaking city curfew,
we're tresspassing on private grounds,
we're underage and smoking,
our parents would kill all of us,
we're expected to do well.
but none of that matters now.
we smile and laugh together,
the music plays loud from a pickup truck,
and for the first time in so long for so many of us,
we know true happiness.
it is then and only then,
when our lives seem at peace
and our troubles fade away.
seven different faces,
seven tragidies unknown.
but here we dont have to know,
just being is enough.
we all know pain,
we all know anger.
we all know fear,
and we now know solace.
seven different orphans all find home.
seven glowing embers in the dark
say all we'll never need to.
*::beautiful stranger::*
wind blows as your song carries to me on the breeze
sweep me off my feet
i fall into your gaze as the street fades away
i know you
ive always known you
youre the boy on the street corner with the beautiful voice
whos song is my eternal lullaby
your eyes held me close from across the sidewalk
you knew me
youve always known me
im the girl on the payphone speaking in english
whos words would go straight to your heart
if only you could hear me
and as i turn the corner down the street towards my fathers apartment
your face is the last thing i see
and as your lullaby plays in my mind
your voice slowly rocks me to sleep
*::letters to no where::*
Wish you'd held on
(held your breath a little longer)
Wish you'd played along
(that you'd been a little stronger)
Fifteen's too young to lose your soul.
Just a kid, too young to know,
That life goes on... life goes on.
But not when you're young and dumb and panicked.
Not when you're scared and lost and frantic.
You made a mistake, left us with the pain,
(and now your suffering's over)
What was so bad you thought you had no way out?
Thought you could make it end,
that life was yours to bend?
to fit your shape?
(your time?)
Your plan, not mine.
So now we hurt and now we cry.
Now we wish and wonder why.
Why you left us ,died so young.
(it's hard to remember having fun)
But when the tears dry
We'll still close our eyes
And remember your face,
The light of your smile.
And each day we'll miss you,
we'll remember your laugh,
And try not to cry over
what the world might have had.
*::all grown up... still::*
do you remember the times that we had?
the tears that we cried?
the days that we laughed?
we were alive once,
with light in our eyes.
but those days are gone.
lying broken on the floor.
im just left to cry.
im jaded and torn.
id walk with the dead,
but theres no one to mourn.
are you still alive?
or have you gone numb?
do you remember the way that we trusted?
all that innocence...
ive fucked up and lost it.
in this story i die.
caged birds,
they cant fly.
i wish for your freedom.
you deserve peace.
i hope your family is even.
i hope youre a child now,
of laughter and light.
i want to stop crying now,
to flee from this fight.
if i was the beat of your heart,
youve long since stopped living.
if i was the cove of your soul,
your soul sails lost and alone.
if without me youre lost,
then youre as lost as me.
im lost without you... | | |
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angsty crap to my mother. she isnt always awful, but we have more than our share of troubles. its somewhat of a broken home...
*::ruined::*
i hope you Suffer
i hope you Burn
i hope you Hate me
i hope you Mourn.
you Ruined so much
now tell us Why:
you Lied to us,
you Broke us down.
you tried to Hurt us,
wanted Thorns upon your crown.
we wanted to see you,
we wanted to know you.
you wanted us to Worship you.
something we could Never do.
*::thankyou note::*
To all those who've abandoned me,
For every time you broke my heart,
For all the things which havent killed me,
To everyone who said I'd never play the part,
To my brother, when he walked out on me,
And for when my life was torn apart,
For every time they've lied to me,
Or criticized my art.
For the times you've tried to live my life,
Thankyou, thanks alot.
*::thanks mom::*
Going crazy,
Falling faster,
You screwed us over.
Is there nothing left for us?
Used our energy,
Broke our hearts,
Screwed this life up,
Thanks alot.
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